Life , Love, and the pursuit of......

Monday, August 25, 2008

I FINALLY remembered !!!!

Wow....it has been a LONG time !!
I forgot my sign in info, until I found it just today while cleaning out my desk.
whew.

So... what has been happening since... um... April ?

A lot....

My husband went to India and was let go 3 months early. yes, we are back to that same situation. Not knowing what will happen from one day to the next.
Don't get me wrong. He HAS a job... in FLorida....
But... we have NO idea when it will start... and we can't wait.
Our savings that we started after paying everyone off first... is gone.
We can't pay Septembers lease payment on our house.
I'm not sure where THAT is going to come from ( nevermind the fact that we paid my Mom back, but she insists she will not "SUPPORT US AGAIN "
HUH ?
Didn't I JUST say we paid her back ?
I wish we had ALL of that money right now.. we would be okay... until the job comes through in Oct or Nov.... or.. whenever.
Really... we would.
But... she won't "support us again"
Go figure.

I wonder where all of that money went ?
Hmmmmmm....

Because of the stress of the last nearly 16 months... constant stress... it has taken a toll on my marriage . Don't get me wrong. We love each other as much as we ever have.
But constant stress, day in, and day out.. has a funny way of doing that.
But we are struggling to maintain what is left of "us".

We aren't doing a very good job.

I miss the way things used to be. I miss my husband. I miss the laughter, the quiet times, the closeness... I miss it all.
But we are so consumed with just trying to stay afloat, to keep a roof over our heads, and food in the house, that we don't have time to nuture all the things I miss.
Does he miss them too ?
I don't know.. we don't talk.
I would like to think he does...

I really can not believe we are right back where we were 6 months ago....

And things were just starting to look bright for us...
Life has a way of kicking us right square in the teeth every time we even THINK things are going to finally go our way...

Maybe that is our first mistake.. believing that they WILL.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Sponsor Me at March for Babies!

My daughter, and granddaughter ( shown ) are walking for the march of Dimes.. if you can help at all.. it would be so much appreciated ! If not, then that is okay too :) I just thought I would try to help her out... I made a donation that brought her over her goal of 200.00. I have had a daughter and a grandson who were born with birth defects.. so it is a nice way to give back for all the help that was given them !!!

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Love.....

we WILL be this happy again...

Nothing new to report on our move to India. Everything is on hold right now. There is no money in the budget, for us, or to Make my husband a new extended contract offer.

Seems the project manager blew through a years budget of 1 million dollars in 3 months time. The company found this out ( he never kept any records of his spending ) when they started the new contract offer to my husband.

Now they have to go back to the client ( the airport) and ask for more money. Of course the client wants to know WHY.. and if my husbands company is worth keeping.

There are a lot of things that have happened... and none of it is good for "us". Too many to list.

Right now, we are proceeding as if it is going to happen.

Our son was enrolled in "The American School of Bombay" last week.. if it all comes together, we HAD to insure him a spot. Tuition for this school is....are you ready ?

SIXTY THOUSAND DOLLARS A YEAR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God, if this goes through, the company pays that. Class sizes are limited to 18 students ( here in the states, there are between 26 and 30 kids per classroom ) so I think our son will get a excellent education !

I just hope it all works out, because.. our track record in that department is not very good. Something has ALWAYS gone wrong... I keep wondering when it is our turn for things to go right, for once...

So.. I keep hanging on by a thread, missing my husband... and just going day by day.

Thats all the news I have...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

It's been a while...

life has not been the same since my husband left for India. All I really live for now are the times we can speak via webcam and voice chat. found a really good program for that called skype..much better in voice quality, but not as good in video, as yahoo.
I take care of our son, who came home sick from camp.. not sure what it was, but I think it was from the food there. He came home very upset and crying, he told me that he didn;t sleep well, was made to eat food that he did not like, kept haviong a dream that when he got back from camp to the school that his DAD and myself were there to get him. Imagine his sadness to realize that it was just me.
He was not acting right at all...when I took his temp, at that time it was 101.2. Gave him some tylenol and he felt better, he asked to go out to play, and I thought maybe it was just a bad week at camp.
Anyway, it got worse from there.. by the time evening rolled around, his fever was 103.4, he was crying about throwing up, had diarrhea and was just miserable. He finally fell asleep.. on the half bathroom floor. I made him up a bed because he didn't want to move, and was up all night checking on him every half hour or so.
In the morning on Saturday, he was mUCH better, but still had a slight fever and diarrhea. After talking to him for a bit, he mentioned how , at camp, they had a rule about not wasting food. if you didn't eat ALL the food they gave you, you got written up. On the last day of camp, a counselor gave him a apple to eat that was brown and mushy, he did not want to eat it but was told he HAD to. When he cut it open, he said it looked like it had red threads running through it. About 2 hours after that is when he started feeling sick.

I am calling the school tomorrow to get some answers about this... because right now I am livid !!! Just when did we go back in time to Hitler's era ? They came around every night and shined a flashlight ine ach kids eyes to make sure they were asleep, if they weren't.. they got written up, and when they got written up, they had some kind of "punishment or other". This is what our son said.. so I need to keep that in mind too.. but I STILL want answers.

My husband is now also sick with montezuma's revenge. Apparently all of the office staff that ate what he did at the staff meeting on Saturday got it too. I said well.. thats what you get for eating catered food that you don't know where it came from silly !! He assured me he would NOT make that mistake again.. LOL.. I really believe him !

Now.. how am I doing...
well.. not good. Not good at all. It is not getting any better for any of us. In fact, it seems to be getting worse. I am still not sleeping well.. I catch bits and pieces of sleep when I can't keep my eyes open any longer, but usually thats only a hour or two at a time. I am not eating much, I can go days without real food. Example.. in 3 days time all I had was a cheeseburger from McDonalds, and I THINK some green beans. I know I need to take better care of myself, but I really have no appetite.

And finally...
The company has asked my husband to extend his stay out to at least a year. After talking to me, and deciding that it would be a VERY good move , career-wise, I agreed.
So... it appears that our son and myself will be moving to India for a year to 15 months ( we want our son to finish out his school year there, at the American school for children of expatriots). We are thinking we will be home in June of 2009.We have done extensive research, found very good health care, a nice place to live ( although ridiculously expensive ( more than 10,000 US per month ) ), there is a western grocery store... all of my husbands paychecks , except for 2 bills we will still have, and whatever the difference in rent will be from what the company allows and what the actual rent is ( we don't know that part yet ). SO financially it makes sense too.
The idea of moving to a 3rd world country does not thrill me, but he assures me if we are careful ( food-wise) we will be just fine. Mumbai is not as bad as everyone believes.
There are a few stories I have to share, but I will save those for another time. One involes several company employees being " on the take".. my husband and his co-worker were on the recieving end of that one. It has created a shit-storm within the company and they have launched a internal investigation on the goings-on in the Dheli office. But it looks like at least ONE person and possibly even the head individual for construction in all of India are in on it, and the one individual and possibly both are on the way OUT the door.Stay tuned on that one...

All I DO know is that my family is torn apart right now, none of us, including my husband, are doing very well with this. And we need to rectify this as soon as we can.

I miss my husband more each day...

Sunday, March 02, 2008

He's gone....

and there is a huge hole where my heart used to be.
He took it with him when he left.

Can't stop the tears... it's been 2 days.But only 41/2 hours since I have seen my husband. It feels like eternity.
Here are a few photos from yeterday, when denial was still in full swing. Reality jumped up and bit me in the ass today driving to the airport. I don't know how to cope. I don;t know how to console a son, who won't let me, he lays in bed and holds on to his dad's shirt and sobs his heart out. He keeps trying to call him to ask him to come home, but he can't.. and that just makes it worse.
I don't know how to help him, or deal with the extreme sense of loss I'm feeling right now. I am so lonely.
And the place where myheart used to be..... HURTS !

Friday, February 29, 2008

D-day.....

My husband leaves for India on Sunday.
All I have left, are today, and tomorrow, and a part of Sunday. Saturday is being spent running all over, getting family photos taken ( which I will post later ), and going to dinner for my daughters birthday. I feel like all our time is being taken away from us, between last minute issues with the job, the health insurance, family, friends, and everything in between. I don't even want to sleep at night because that is time taken from us too.

Last night, I cried myself to sleep. I am finding myself more volatile emotionally the past couple days...
And I am so afraid of what Sunday will bring. No.. I take that back.. I am TERRIFIED !!!
I do not know how I am going to "willingly" take my husband to the airport, say goodbye, watch him walk away, and then LEAVE him there... how do I do that ? And then drive the hour and 15 minutes back home again ?

This whole thing is a waking nightmare...

Sunday, February 24, 2008

One week left....

This was taken just last Saturday at my husbands "going away party/night out" with family and friends.

so we have one week left. My husband will most likely be leaving on Sunday, March 2nd.

I do not know how to process this. Before now, it all seemed like it was not real.

Well... reality jumped up and bit me in the ass today, when it hit me that this is our last week together for a long time.

Can anyone out there please tell me how to get through this ?

I really am not sure how I will handle it... and I am scared shitless.

I have been short and snappy today, not meaning to be, but I am becoming very stressed.

and unsure

and afraid.

My husband recieved his shots Friday. And after talking to the nurse on what can happen to him while he is there, has me scared to death.

What if I never see him again, because one of these "things" happens to him ?

What would I do then ?

How could I go on ?

It seems that rabies is rampant there. As is Dengue fever, malaria ( and now the company is saying he doesn't NEED anti malaria meds... WTF ???? ), cholera, Japanese Enciphalitis, omg, the list is endless....

He cant drink the water, eat salads, fresh fruits or vegetables ( unless the fruits have thick skins and he can peel them himself ) all because they grow their fruits and produce in....are you ready ??????

HUMAN WASTE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yes, you heard me correctly...

I am so worried about his health while hes there, I am sick to my stomach and so stressed.....and he will be 7,800 miles away...

I am trying so hard not to think about all of it because when I do, it becomes so overwhelming that I can not seem to cope.

Please, someone, anyone tell me how to deal with all of this !!!!!!

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: Name: Cynnie01; Location: South East, Michigan, United States

I am married, have a 11 yr old son and three daughters 32, 30,and 19(Husbands daughter) a grandson who is 6, and a granddaughter who is 2.I am madly in love with my husband and have been since the day we met on AOL 13 years ago !

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