Reconnecting
i am trying to come to terms with my husbands leaving in a few short weeks. but it is so damn hard. One day I feel like I will be okay.. the next I am terrified of his leaving, and being gone so long.I KNOW this is our only way out of the financial devastation that the last 10 months has brought us,... i KNOW we will be able to get out of debt, I KNOW it is only temporary....
but I am so scared.
I am so worried something is going to happen to him over there, I can't shake the feeling.
I think I can get through the days okay..
but the nights....
how will I ever get through those ?
we sleep in a king sized bed... and only half of it gets used.. we cuddle all night long, in one way or another, we are always touching.
neither of us sleeps well if the other isn't there.
He keeps trying to remind me what this is going to do for our future.. and if it all goes as planned.. our future will be mush more secure than it has ever been.
we may even be able to actually BUY a house of our own !!!
but at what price ?
And will that price be too high ?
i cry at the drop of a hat lately...
and just the thought of having to say goodbye to him at the airport brings new tears every time.. I am not sure I will be able to say good bye...
How the hell can I say good bye ? Does anyone know ? Can you give me a good tool to use for that ? I am going to be hurting for a very long time...and the lonliness will be unbearable... I just know it...
why does life have to suck ?
posted by Cynnie01 @ 9:01 PM
4 Comments:
I wish that I could say something to make you feel better.
I am ok. I will write to you asap. I promise.
I am here if you need me :)
It sounds like you love each other so very much. And remember that good bye is not really good bye anyhow. He will be back. I know what you mean about the bed. When Joe is gone Cady (17) sleeps with me. We talk and read and keep each other from freezing to death. If shes gone one of my little grandsons camps out with me. Its gonna be hard but you will get through it one moment at a time. I don't think the cost will be too high. It may be the doorway to your wonderful future. It is all in the way you look at things. At least it is for me. I can make things better or worse if I want to. I am a big baby and I have to have some serious talks with myself from time to time. It will be a memory before you know it.He will be home and you will get to hear some interesting tales of another land. You can tell them to us. Hang on, I pray for you still.
Hoping you are well.Keeping you in my prayers.
Where are you, Cynnie? We are all thinking of you and wishing you well :)
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