Lazy, Hazy days of summer.....
Our neighbor's birthday was yesterday.... he turned 29. DAMN, I feel OLD !!! I am 20 years older almost to the day ( MY 49th birthday is next week ). I have a daughter his age... but they are GREAT people and we don't notice the age difference... UNTIL we start drinking. I remember the days when a all night binge resulted in a mimimal hangover. Now, we are lucky to get rid of them in 2 or 3 days....and they DO like to drink!! His wife is pregnant so her drinking days are on hold for now, something she isnt too happy about ( I don't think she is real happy to be pregnant.. it has cut into her social life ). Her husband started drinking at noon, and had a few friends over, including us. The party started dying down about 6 ( what did he expect anyway ), and that pissed him off. HE was ready to party.. the rest of us either burned out early ( age has a way of doing that ) or, had other things to do. Anyway... his wife got out some videos of her sons birth, and I guess that was the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. He went off the deep end and they had a fight.. a HUGE fight... needless to say, we left. We got home and died.. suffering from the over indulgences of alcohol. Neither one of us was in the mood for anything besides SLEEP ! I don't know how our neighbors fared after we left, I haven't talked to her today. I am SO glad my husband and I don't fight like that.. we used to though... Oh my God... did we ever fight. Now, I think we are just too old...LOL !!!!!Today was a cleaning-type day... we even gave the dog a bath.. something she was NOT too happy about ! It feels good to get things done though. However... my main philosophy during the summer ( I am SO good at making excuses ) is that summer doesn't last that long , and I would rather spend my time enjoying it than stuck inside our house cleaning. Actually I just HATE cleaning period.. if I could afford a maid, I would hire one.. until that happens though, I am stuck doing it myself ( sigh )...
Next week is my birthday.. I didn't plan ANYTHING.. I don't feel like it should be my JOB to do that... for as long as I can remember, until last year ( my youngest daughter planned that one ) I have done it for myself. Arranged dinners out or nights in our favorite bar, etc. So I guess if nothing happens.. oh well... I am not doing it.. LOL ! After next year I am done with birthdays anyway... I think its time. Do you think if I dont have any more I won't age but stay the way I am ? For some reason turning 50 next year really bothers me. 30 didn't and neither did 40 ( I was pregnant at 40 ), but this one is getting to me. Maybe its because I know my life is more than half over... maybe its because I haven't done anything with my life except have children and get married . I have worked off and on.. mostly off... and nothing that would be considered a "career". I DID raise two wonderful daughters, they didnt get into trouble with drugs , they didnt get pregnant.. so I guess I should count my blessings. My son is 8 now, and hes a great kid. BUT... is this what God had in mind for me ? What am I missing out on ? For some reason I get the feeling there should be more in my life than there is... but WHAT ? I love my husband and my family.. more than I could ever possibly tell , or show, them. Some days I long for a CAREER though. Maybe I should just be content with what I have and how lucky I really am. I do feel blessed to have met a wonderful man, to have the children I have, and a grandson who is now healthy. All in all... I like my life, and I am happy with it... . I would never, ever change it... I have never regretted anything I have done... maybe that should be enough !!!
posted by Cynnie01 @ 4:57 PM
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