Life , Love, and the pursuit of......

Devastated, hurt, and oh so betrayed.....

I found out that my husband has had a 1 year ( or more ) on going relationship with another woman. I don't know when it turned sexual, but it did. He confessed everything ( or as much as he is willing to ) to me this morning.

How do I move past this ? Do I stay and fight ? Or do I give up and let go ? I want to stay and fight, I love him. But, do I have it in me to do that ?
How do I erase the images in my mind ? The graphic details of their sexual encounters ? She has a blog on livejournal .... she thought she had deleted everything, but she was wrong. I can find just about anything I set my mind to.
I called her today... my husband gave me her name willingly. We had a interesting chat. And we will have more to be sure.

She reads my blog, and has for quite some time. I didn't know it was her until the truth came out, and then it all clicked.

I am grieving the man that I thought I knew, the marriage that I thought I had, and the pain I am feeling is unbearable. At certain points throughout the day I have wanted to just curl up in a ball and die. And then I get angry... and I want him to hurt... I want him to know what this pain feels like... to understand what he has done, and the devastation it has caused.

Right now, I am numb. Maybe that is easier.

I am going through so many different thoughts and emotions right now, part of me wants to fuck him so hard and so long that all thoughts of anyone else are erased from his mind, and a part of me doesn't want to touch him.

I hurt... I am hurting.... and I don't know what to do about it.

So to Teri ( yes that is her name ), you have succeeded in creating a huge gaping hole in my heart and soul ... and although you are not the only one who is guilty here... you played a huge part in it. I hope you can sleep at night knowing what you have done. And just remember... what goes around comes around.... and it will all bite you in the ass one day.

posted by Cynnie01 @ 3:34 PM