Time flies when you're having... what AM I having ?
WOW.... its been a while and so much has happened ! We found a new place to live. MUCH better than what we had. We are on a 1 year lease/option ( something about the homeowner owing the house for a year , and taxes ). We have already found out that we qualify for a mortgage for the asking price. The house is BRAND NEW !!! Its PERFECT for us really. And I LOVE the new kitchen !! We also have a community swimming pool which we have been putting to good use. My son adjusted very well.. I was so worried about that. I asked him one day if he missed the old house, he said.... " not really".. I then asked him if he missed his old friends.. his reply ? " Um.... not really. Well, MAYBE just Alex". WHEW... big relief for me and my husband. He has made so many new friends in the month we have been here I still do't know all of them or where they live. The newest " friend" is a very cute little 7 year old named Stephanie who lives just 3 doors from us on the culdesac. I think she has a " crush" on my son !!!My Mom sold her condo up north, and bought one about a mile from our new house. Actually its the same builder, just a condo community.She should be moving here by the middle of August. And my youngest daughter is about to become a Mom herself. She is due in just a few weeks...I gave her a baby shower the end of June.. in the middle of moving and everything. DAMN.. I'm GOOD .. LOL !!
And me ? Well.... I am turning 50 in a little over a week and a half .. its VERY hard for me for some reason. I am not ready to be that old. I don't FEEL that old.. I don't think like I am... I don't even LOOK that old.. so why do I have to BE that old ?Maybe its the reality that my life is more than half over.
And what about my husband and my marriage.. well.. it seems good. We are getting along so much better. But intimacy ? Nope... communication ? Rarely....about things that mean anything anyway... and all that other stuff like kissing and toughing and hugs ? Nada... or very little. I'm sure you are confused.. I am sure you are thinking.. " but she just said things were much better ".. and they ARE !!! I guess I am as confused as you are. Its been exactly 13 months since we have had any type of sex. That is over ONE YEAR folks !!!!!!!!!!! I'm not sure how much more of that I can take. I am a sexual person... I love intimacy of all kinds, and I feel like I am starving. I love my husband, and I KNOW he loves me ( no.. he is NOT having a affair... that I know of ).. so what is the problem ? Is the problem me ? Is it him ? Is he not attracted to me? Is he bored with me ? With himself ? We don't talk about it either. He always says he will write me a email( I never recieve one ) or he tells me that now is not a good time but we will talk tomorrow ( tomorrow never happens either ). I love him with everything I am.. but I didn't sign up for a sexless marriage !!! I was in one of those before and got out of it. That time it was ME though. I guess thats why I am wondering if it really IS me hes not attracted to anymore.....BUT...I won't give up on my marriage ( for better or worse ). Maybe things will turn around... I can always hope. And honey, if you are reading this... what is going on ????? Can we talk ??????????
Thats it for my life. Exciting, isn't it ?
posted by Cynnie01 @ 9:38 PM
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